Justin & Jillian's 1 year pictures

Happy 1st Birthday!!! & Thank you for reading along!

I just cant believe its been a year!! I can say that it has been a year filled with more laughter and joy than any other year I can remember. Not because I'm new to having babies around but because this situation forces you to see the blessing in front of you so much more clear. Well.....because its been so long since my last post (summer with 6 kids and sports is NUTS) let me fill you in on the happenings of Justin and Jillian. They are growing and thriving very well. At our 1 year check up baby boy was 22lbs (41%) and 30.5in (75%). Baby girl was 21lbs 1oz (51%) and 28.75in (40%). Neither of them are walking independently yet but love to cruz around the furniture. Jillian can stand alone but her brother has NO interest. The boy can crawl so fast that I'm not sure he will ever feel the need to walk! They are great sleepers. Jillian is our early bird up most days by 6:30 and Justin will sleep till at least 8:30. We gotta get that figured out!! They both love to be outside and are almost always smiling. Everyone likes to ask me if they get along and play nice together. I would love to make all of you feel ooey- gooey inside and say yes, they love all over each other BUT.........they don't!!! They do smile at each other and watch each other a lot. But sit next to each other and play nice, NO. They take each others toys, pull hair and scream at each other more than anything else. I will though, share one loving memory about their love for each other. Jillian was having a sleepover with Auntie Jill and when I got Justin up the next morning he cranked his neck as far as he could trying to see in Jillian's crib. Like "where the heck is she" and same thing when Justin was having a sleepover with Auntie Jill, Jillian did just what Justin had done that morning. So I know they are close but sharing toys is just asking to much!! They have very different personalities. Jillian is a ham who likes to be silly, give kisses to anyone willing to pucker up for her and she will let almost anyone hold her. Justin is far more reserved. He really has to watch you before you can hold him or before he will even smile at you. He is very independent and you WILL NOT show him how to do things. He will figure it out by himself. He is very busy and goes, goes, goes until he just cant go anymore. Jillian has far more patience than Justin and he has a quick temper to go right along with it! All of their brothers and sister love them to death and its been fun watching all of them grow close in their own ways. Its strange, its as if they were always here but yet its only been a year!

So whats it like a year after going through a surrogacy journey with your best friend? ( I also get this a lot) Its wonderful, strange, odd, loving, awesome, sad, happy, confusing and still BY FAR one of coolest things I have ever experienced. I miss the journey everyday. With out question that is NOT something I anticipated. Not only did I miss "the ride" but I missed Jill! I went from seeing her all the time because of doctor visits to being in the house 24/7 with feedings every 3 hours. That does not leave much time for visits!! Its was a very weird thing to try and adjust to. And truth be told, we are still adjusting to it. How do you MAKE the time to visit with 11 kids between us, full time jobs, sports, school, church happening's, extended family.......the list could go on for ever!! Neither of us are real sure of the fix but will continue to do our best in coming up with a solution! For now we have set up a "bare bones minimum" that even if Jill and I cant see each other, she still comes and takes the babies for a sleepover every month. Not nearly enough I know, but like I said in a different post. This didn't come with an instruction manual on what to do so we are working on it. I think anytime in life we walk a path we have never been on its easy to have a bunch of preconceived notions about what it may or may not be like. For the most part I anticipated most of it accurately. But.........there were some things I had wrong..... Nursing the babies. While Jill was carrying the babies I had an insane need to find a way to physically connect to them. Like I was scared that because I DID know what it felt like to bond with a child through carrying them that maybe I wouldn't bond with the twins because I didn't carry them. So, I took every hormone known to man, gained a bunch of un needed weight, pumped every two hours for 4 months..........mainly out of fear of the unknown. Please don't misunderstand, I'm so happy I was able to breastfeed the babies. Some of my most special memories are the first nights of their life in the middle of the night in the special care nursery nursing. But as far as bonding goes, they were mine the moment my eyes saw them. I can honestly say that the only thing that felt different from the births of any of my other children was that I wasn't physically healing. That's it. The love, the emotion, the joy was all the same. So would I induce lactation again or would I advise someone to do it if they asked me? I'm not sure. I would tell them to really search their heart and be sure its for the right reasons because its a lot to put your body through. I will finish that by saying that I was able to give the babies exclusive breast milk for the first 2 months and then had to start adding in formula. More so because of a time thing than anything else. Pumping is a huge part of being successful in inducing lactation. With twins I found my time very limited and because I really wanted to be sure of how much they were getting I was scared there wasn't enough for two!! Looking back, there was but come on....the twin thing was new to me!! All in all the babies had mommies milk for 6 months. I would say thats pretty awesome being that I didnt give birth!! It was a wonderful experience and I would be sad to think of not getting to share in that with Jillian and Justin. If I rambled on to long about that I apologize, I just know that I searched high and low for info on inducing lactation and never really found what I was looking for. Hopefully this will shed a little bit of light to someone looking. Caring for twins, another thing I had wrong................I thought "big deal, its just doing it times two" Ha, ha, ha. I can humbly tell you that its A LOT more work that I thought it would be!!! Not that the work is harder its just much more time consuming. Nothing we cant handle, but much more than I expected! Double the fun though of course as well! We are in the very beginning stages of building a new home for our family so that is keeping us even more busy than normal but we are very much looking forward to that transition hopefully early next year. It will be a huge help to have Justin and Jillian sleep in seperate rooms so that they dont disturb eachother, or should I say so that Jillian doesnt wake her brother up!!

I think we are your typical LARGER family who were blessed enough to have someone who loves us do something so extraordinary for us. And I stress the word US. This act of love out of Jill is not extraordinary for HER. This is who and how she is. This is how her heart was formed. I have always known this about her and I cant explain the amount of joy and love that brings to my heart. To know that my children were formed into little people all while growing right beneath that loving compassionate heart of hers. She may not be genetically tied to Justin and Jillian but nobody will ever convince me that genetics can outweigh love. Not after watching Jill love my children like she does.

I want to thank everyone for following this journey with us. We are going to keep this blog public because I hope it can be helpful to others walking this path or just a fun and loving read for anyone interested, but this will be my last update other than to add some pictures here and there. I think we have shared the most important and helpful part of our story. I'm so proud of this time in my life and wish in the strangest way that every few years I could walk it again. Yikes.....can you imagine how many kids I would have!! Its very addicting to be on a constant natural high! I know that Jill is going to blog her feelings about the last year as well and I really hope that by reading an intended mothers role as well as a gestational carriers role we have helped to explain the very different but yet similar feeling we have each experienced. I have loved every minutes of blogging in this journal and am so grateful to Jill that she was the one that thought of it! I would love to say "goodbye" by sharing with you pictures from our summer and our big 1st Birthday Celebration!!! May God bless all who stop by and read our story with the same love and guidance he has shown to us.

Happy 1st Easter Justin & Jillian!

Behind the ball!!

Time gets away from me ...................ya know being the mommy of SIX kiddos! Justin and Jillian will be nine months old on the 27th and Im just now posting their 6 month pictures!!! They are both doing great and are HAPPY babies! Smiles all the time! Baby girl had a rough winter with ear infections but we are hoping with the arrival of spring we will be saying goodbye to the ear problems!

On another note, Jill and I took a wonderful girls weekend to Phoenix for some sun and relaxation. Needless to say we had a BLAST! It was so great to spend some time together without the ELEVEN children we have between the two of us! Such a great memory!

1 year ago today & birthday wishes!

One year ago today..................we found out that not only was God blessing us with one baby........He was blessing us with two!!! Words still cant come close to what that moment felt like! Time flies when your having fun right! A whole year ago...WOW
Today is also Jill's birthday!! We would like to wish our friend a wonderful, wonderful birthday. May you feel Gods love today my dear friend. We love you.....

NOT what we thought!!

I sometimes like to sit and scroll back in this blog and read over all the things that have gone on. Sometimes just for fun, sometimes because I miss it all. It dawned on me this morning as I was reading back that the whole time Jill was pregnant we kept saying that Jillian was a crazy cat like mommy and Justin was calm like daddy. Well friends let me be the first to tell you that we were VERY wrong!! Jillian is the most soft natured little princess I have ever met. She has soft sweet eyes and smiles so shyly that its almost as if she flirts non stop. Other than her daddy, I have never met a softer soul. Justin on the other hand is just like mommy. He is loud, he has a temper that will show itself quicker than you can blink if he wants and he is always checking things out! He makes you "work" for a smile and really has to check you out before he makes his mind up about what he thinks. Its so funny how wrong we were. They are both such fun little babies and we are really enjoying watching them grow. 5 months old already!! I just cant hardly believe it! They are doing great as far as growth and development. Justin is far larger than his sister and quite a bit stronger as well. Jillian is our little peanut who loves to analyze things with her hands and really takes the time to look at every part of the toy she is holding. Justin just tries to get it into his mouth as quickly as he can. They are both sleeping in their cribs and every now and again sleeping through the night! It has been such a wonderful experience and I will treasure it always. So anyways............just some fun little facts about our little munchkins!

Justin & Jillians 1st Christmas

What can I say other than the blessings that Jeff and I felt this Christmas season were like no other. When you have been given the gifts that we have, it puts many things into real clear perspective for you.....real quick! I hope that you all had as wonderful of a Christmas as we did and that you felt the love and peace of Jesus. Merry 1st Christmas Justin & Jillian, you are loved by so many.

Better late than never....Our 1st Thanksgiving!!

VERY similar feelings..........

So, I thought I would wait to share this post because it was SO similar to Jill's. It blew my mind when I read Jill's for the first time as oddly enough she and I didn't talk about this. As strange as this may sound (especially because I'm the one with the babies) I'm missing our "journey" terribly. Jill explained it so well. It was such a rush of high emotion EVERYDAY that I feel as if I want it back. PLEASE don't get me wrong.............I'm in absolute bliss with these two perfect babies and I love every single second. BUT..........I miss the ride of the pregnancy. I miss the excuse of seeing my very best friend ALL the time. I'm so busy now that I don't see Jill nearly as much as I would like to. ALL of the anticipation that Jill described is a little.........addicting I guess. There are no words to express how extraordinary of a journey that was. Without a doubt, it was the coolest thing I have ever been a part of. I never said anything to anyone about my "sadness that this part is over" because I didn't want to seem ungrateful for what we have. But when I read Jill's post, I couldn't believe how similar we were feeling. Do I sound crazy? I'm sure I do!!!
Justin and Jillian are doing wonderful. They are very happy babies and are growing like weeds! The emotion I feel when I look at them is crazy. They are a true gift and not one day passes that I take that for granted............Speaking of taking things for granted..............................................Mr. Kurt Dahmen. I have come to realize now that life is "back to normal" just how large of a role Kurt played in this. Just how much of a sacrifice he was willing to give. Just how selfless he was. And just how much strength he gave to all of us along the ride. Not many people will have the honor of knowing a man like Kurt in their lifetime and that is so unfortunate because his friendship can truly transform your life. I mean that........ as dramatic as it may sound. Jill did not get paid to carry our babies. Kurt went through this whole journey with NOTHING to personally gain. He NEVER complained, he NEVER acted frustrated and he NEVER made us feel like we were in any way a burden. But instead, he fell in love with the babies growing in his wife's belly and he offered up strength to all of us when we needed it. He picked up the slack for Jill when she was sick or too tired. He was our rock. I love to watch the video montage that I posted and look at all of the pictures of Kurt. His smile in all of the pictures brings tears to my eyes as I type this. He has a heart of pure gold and is a TRUE man of God. I couldn't have hand picked a better life partner for my dear friend. I'm so honored to call him my friend.

Justin & Jillians birth story

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Strange Emotion.

Wow, it's December already! Exactly one year ago we were in the very, very final days... trigger shots and egg retrievals and embryo transfers. I cannot believe how quickly this all has gone. Why is it that the good times in your life always go so much quicker than the "not so good" times? I've been finding myself emotional these last few days and I'm not exactly sure why. When I think about the babies (who are, by the way, FOUR months old already!) I am emotional...often emotional enough for silent tears and honestly, I just can't pinpoint what it is. I haven't even shared this with my husband because I don't know what else to say except for what I just shared here. I don't think it's sadness. There is no reason for me to be sad. But tears don't start to well up in my eyes when I think of my own children. I wonder if this is just what happens when you love something so much that "isn't yours"? Truly, I don't know. Anyways, this has been making me think alot about our journey. All of the different phases that came along with it. Anticipation, excitement, wonder. I've been thinking alot about the day they were born. The whirlwind of that day, the overwhelming feelings of thankfulness for healthy babies. A healthy pregnancy, a safe delivery...topped off with healthy babies. Thank you LORD! All of that, all of the last year, actually year and a half, has been so exciting. Full of anticipation for the next phase. When we went through our psychological screening and counseling we anticipated the next step. When we were going through all of our shots...multiple daily shots, we anticipated the next step. When the eggs were retrieved we anticipated the transfer...then the "symptoms", then the pregnancy test~1st beta numbers~2nd beta numbers, one baby or two?, anticipated gender...boys? girls? both?!, milestones...made it to week 18~whew, week 23 WHEW!, week 28 YAY!, week 32 praise be to God!. Anticipated babies positions~natural delivery or a c-sec?, hair color, personalities...There wasn't ANYTHING we didn't analyze and anticipate! How do you follow that kind of excitement? Seriously. I'm not sure that I will ever accomplish anything else in my lifetime that was that FULL of excitement. And this was different because it wasn't for me, obviously I've been pregnant before and had my own babies. This WAS different. Bottom line. So, now what do I do? How can life be that full and exciting now that THAT part of the journey is over? I "tasted" something I didn't even know existed and now I'm craving it again. NO. I don't want to get pregnant again! Ha! I want to fill my life, and my families life, with the excitement and energy that I experienced. It was a gift. I need to pass it on. Pass it on to my children and my husband...although he did experience it too~to a degree.
In September I "picked up" running. Silly as it may seem, it has been pretty exciting. I set a goal to run a 5K...did it in Oct. and then again on Thanksgiving day. For me, that was a BIG accomplishment! I set a goal, worked hard and achieved it. My next goal is to run the 10K I registered for the end of April. Anticipation. Excitement. I like it! My family is starting to get the running bug too, Kurt just registered for his first 5K which will be the end of January...that's cool! So although it isn't "growing life within" (ha!), it is something. Please don't judge me, I don't want you to think that I'm selfish. I know this journey wasn't about me, I never wanted it to be and I'm not trying to make it about me now.
I am thankful for the journey that God took me on, it showed me some of what I had been missing out on!

Happy Halloween!!!

Just wanted to share some pictures of our first Halloween! Both babies have their first cold as well so they didnt go trick or treating in the stroller with their big brothers and sister but we still dressed them up and pulled out the camera!

Did breastfeeding end up working??

Well, I'm very happy to say that YES it did!!! At the time the babies were born I was pumping 20 or so ounces per day and freezing it. It was great because I had a deep freezer full of milk! I was able to nurse the babies the very day they were born and they have continued to do great! When they were about two months old we started using formula as well because I cant meet the needs of two babies but for me it was never only about the nutrition. It was about the connection between us that comes with nursing. I wont say that it was easy. The meds you take to induce lactation can make you a bit crazy. I gained almost 30 pounds and I was hot ALL the time. But.....................I would do every bit of it all over again. Just yesterday I was nursing Jillian and she pulled off and smiled at me, then latched back on. Worth every pound....every hot flash.....every mood swing. All of it! Its a decision that I'm so happy I chose! I'm not sure how long I will continue to nurse, but for now, we are enjoying every minute!

out of order post

For part 1 of my birth story, scroll down past "its been 5 weeks already" The posts are out of order for some reason.

And a new picture update........... Getting big!! Almost 11 weeks already!!!

So, it's already been 5 wks!

Holy smokes! It's already been 5wks since these precious little peanuts made their grand entrance into this world...5wks! Time has really gone by quickly, but in the same breath, our birth experience, our time in the hospital seems like ages ago...weird. Alright, so anyways, 5wks post birth, post c-section, post physically letting the babies go...post, post, post...you get the drift. Many people ask the questions, and many more want to but feel they can't so they "beat around the bush". "How are you doing?"???? 'What do you mean' I want to say back...'say what you mean'! I'm a big girl, I can handle a tough question, I promise you wont make ME uncomfortable!
How am I? Well, c-sections, I realized, ARE NOT bad...the recovery kinda stinks if you're use to bouncing back to normal within hours of birth though! So, I've learned what NOT to do in the first few weeks should I ever have another c-section! Ha! But honestly, for the most part everything is back to normal. I can pick up and hold my little kiddos and am so thankful for that! I am back to work now, another stepping stone towards the path of normalcy.
I sometimes will stop myself from ordering a spicy meal when we are out to eat only to remember...ah,yes! yes I can eat that! I don't suffer from heartburn anymore...yeah, that's right! I can eat WHATEVER I want...WHENEVER I want! Nice perk.
Post birth? Do I feel like somethings missing? Like I forgot my child at the hospital?...um? No! Nope, not in the slightest bit do I feel like I am missing anything. I love Justin and Jillian, oh man do I love them! I can't actually type any words to make someone understand exactly how much love I have for them...that's how strong I feel. But do I feel sad that they are not "with me" anymore? Nope. I just don't, and I don't want that to sound cold or heartless because it is just the opposite. I get to love them so much more now that they are here, so I wouldn't trade this for anything. I had a short time to "love and care for them" and now I get to see, hold, snuggle, kiss...all of the above, any time I choose! It's great! I get to watch Denise & Jeff bask in the glow of new parenthood & that WAS the point of all of this, wasn't it?! Honestly, I had prepped myself to feel a bit of sadness or loneliness. Let me explain...EVERY time I have given birth to my own children, whoa...that's funny to say out loud..."given birth to my OWN children"~as I now need to clarify! Ha! Funny! Ok, sorry, anyways....every time I have given birth to my own children I vividly remember laying in the hospital bed, usually during the 1st night while Kurt is sleeping, baby is sleeping, it's dark out, the hospital is quiet...there I sit~awake and a bit SAD, sad that I am "alone", no more baby within me~it's a little lonely feeling (silly, I know). It was short lived, I always felt better by morning, but nonetheless it was an emotion that followed me during every post birth. EXCEPT this one...figure that one out! I will figure it out for you, it's all God...He protected my emotions like no one could ever have done & for that I am so thankful!
Every once in awhile I will look at Justin & Jillian and think about how they were inside of me, yet they aren't mine, yet they were inside me, yet...yet....whoa. Weird. Wow. Strange. I mean, cool. But, yeah...wow. Huh. Can you kind of imagine the roller coaster of emotions I'm trying to describe? I don't really know how to put the emotions to words...I mean, they aren't bad emotions, it's just different & a little wild!
What an honor, what an amazing journey and amazing to me that God thought me as worthy to go on this journey with Jeff & Denise...just simply amazing. Denise and I have said from the get go, we signed up for the "No Glitch Plan" and that continues to be true even now during this stage of the story...no glitches!

Because she loved us this much....the birth story. Part 1

This must be the 5th time I have sat down at this computer to share our birth story and every time I couldn't find the words to do it justice. After lots of reflection.....I think I might just have it!

I have had many feelings during Jill's pregnancy and during the birth and even now that the babies are here. Fear, anticipation, joy, love. Lots. But one that stands out the most and seems to be with me everyday. I have these two precious miracles "because she loved us this much" and I just cant tell you what that knowledge does to my heart. The birth story is wonderful...Kurt called me at about 5 something in the morning and told me that we should come over because Jill had been contracting for many hours. Jeff stayed with the kids and I drove over to find Jill in the bathroom just getting out of the bath and in that very moment I had to fight back tears. Seeing my best friends very pregnant body with my babies inside and knowing this might be the day I hold them in my arms was almost to much. We called the doctor and they said to come in. Jeff drove over and we packed up and left from Jill and Kurt's house. The drive to the hospital was really cool. Jeff and I were alone and it was fun to get each other "razed up" if you will but trying to be cautious the whole time that it might not be today! We arrived at the hospital and the ramp elevators were out of order so a nice man gave us a ride to the front doors. We left all of our bags in the car thinking we might not need them. We went up to be monitored and guess what?.............we were in labor! My babies were coming today! The doctor came in and about blew us out of the water when he said that our c section would be in about 1 HOUR !!!!!! The tears started flowing out of all 4 of us! Jeff and Kurt ran (and I really mean ran) to the trucks to get the bags, we changed our clothes into scrubs and it was time!

Are they beautiful or what??!!!

Well......what can I say? We are over the moon in LOVE with these little ones! I wanted to post some pictures of their first of many I'm sure photo shoots with auntie Jill and I also wanted to share my version of the birth story but I have decided my mind is not clear enough today so I'm still going to post the pictures and save my story for another post to come real soon I promise. The babies are doing perfect and we are enjoying every moment!

addt. pics, enjoying both babes...

some favorite memories

The days that we spent in the hospital together were filled with so many precious memories that I will always hold in a special place in my heart. I wanted to share a couple of them today...
To conceive even just one baby would have been a miracle, everyone would have been crazy excited! So, when we found out that there were TWO we were "over the moon"! Along with two came a little more anxiety though, for obvious reasons. As hard as we tried to keep the mentality that God was in control and trust that everything would be OK, we also knew that we couldn't be naive. Things happen. We know this. Denise and I have both experienced miscarriages...it happens, and we certainly were not exempt from it happening this time, in fact we had double the chance of it happening~if you will. At any given ultrasound, especially in the beginning we could've seen one healthy thriving baby and then for some "unknown reason", the other baby "just stopped developing". I don't mean to be a downer or sound dramatic but it happens to people EVERYDAY. My point in going there is this....when it actually came to fruition, when these babies were born~actually here where we could see, hear and touch them it was completely overwhelming. There was a huge sigh of relief. On a personal level, not that this is about me at all, but I had some feelings brewing inside of me during this pregnancy that I could just let go of once I saw and knew that Justin and Jillian were here and healthy. I NEEDED for my body to not let me and everyone else down, I just kept thinking to myself..."don't fail me body, don't you DARE fail me, not when my dearest friends and their babies are counting on you". Going into labor at 35wks 1day wasn't my plan. I was realistically hoping for 37 or at least a bit closer to 36...but....
So, for me? One of my many precious memories was when I was able to watch Jeff and Denise each hold BOTH of their babies at the same time, which I think happened on their 3rd day of life. And then to see my husband hold the babies that he helped my body prepare to carry, to see him love babies that weren't his. He had gotten to know them through their crazy late night antics. We had many mornings when he would tell me, "I was holding you last night and Justin was kicking like crazy...or Jillian was NUTS!"...he was finally able to see their faces & that was precious to me. And then for myself to hold them together...well, I still don't have good words to explain that feeling. I remember holding both of their heads in my hands and thinking..."yes, yes!...this is why my ribs hurt! Ha!" and feeling Justins bony little shoulder, I recognized it, it was always visibly protruding right smack in the middle of my tummy!
Ahhh, what a surreal feeling...we did it little kiddos, you are here...this part of the journey~ you and me connected, is over...
Now we are on to bigger and better journeys...an entire lifetime of journeys, I couldn't be happier!