NOT what we thought!!

I sometimes like to sit and scroll back in this blog and read over all the things that have gone on. Sometimes just for fun, sometimes because I miss it all. It dawned on me this morning as I was reading back that the whole time Jill was pregnant we kept saying that Jillian was a crazy cat like mommy and Justin was calm like daddy. Well friends let me be the first to tell you that we were VERY wrong!! Jillian is the most soft natured little princess I have ever met. She has soft sweet eyes and smiles so shyly that its almost as if she flirts non stop. Other than her daddy, I have never met a softer soul. Justin on the other hand is just like mommy. He is loud, he has a temper that will show itself quicker than you can blink if he wants and he is always checking things out! He makes you "work" for a smile and really has to check you out before he makes his mind up about what he thinks. Its so funny how wrong we were. They are both such fun little babies and we are really enjoying watching them grow. 5 months old already!! I just cant hardly believe it! They are doing great as far as growth and development. Justin is far larger than his sister and quite a bit stronger as well. Jillian is our little peanut who loves to analyze things with her hands and really takes the time to look at every part of the toy she is holding. Justin just tries to get it into his mouth as quickly as he can. They are both sleeping in their cribs and every now and again sleeping through the night! It has been such a wonderful experience and I will treasure it always. So anyways............just some fun little facts about our little munchkins!

Justin & Jillians 1st Christmas

What can I say other than the blessings that Jeff and I felt this Christmas season were like no other. When you have been given the gifts that we have, it puts many things into real clear perspective for you.....real quick! I hope that you all had as wonderful of a Christmas as we did and that you felt the love and peace of Jesus. Merry 1st Christmas Justin & Jillian, you are loved by so many.

Better late than never....Our 1st Thanksgiving!!

VERY similar feelings..........

So, I thought I would wait to share this post because it was SO similar to Jill's. It blew my mind when I read Jill's for the first time as oddly enough she and I didn't talk about this. As strange as this may sound (especially because I'm the one with the babies) I'm missing our "journey" terribly. Jill explained it so well. It was such a rush of high emotion EVERYDAY that I feel as if I want it back. PLEASE don't get me wrong.............I'm in absolute bliss with these two perfect babies and I love every single second. BUT..........I miss the ride of the pregnancy. I miss the excuse of seeing my very best friend ALL the time. I'm so busy now that I don't see Jill nearly as much as I would like to. ALL of the anticipation that Jill described is a little.........addicting I guess. There are no words to express how extraordinary of a journey that was. Without a doubt, it was the coolest thing I have ever been a part of. I never said anything to anyone about my "sadness that this part is over" because I didn't want to seem ungrateful for what we have. But when I read Jill's post, I couldn't believe how similar we were feeling. Do I sound crazy? I'm sure I do!!!
Justin and Jillian are doing wonderful. They are very happy babies and are growing like weeds! The emotion I feel when I look at them is crazy. They are a true gift and not one day passes that I take that for granted............Speaking of taking things for granted..............................................Mr. Kurt Dahmen. I have come to realize now that life is "back to normal" just how large of a role Kurt played in this. Just how much of a sacrifice he was willing to give. Just how selfless he was. And just how much strength he gave to all of us along the ride. Not many people will have the honor of knowing a man like Kurt in their lifetime and that is so unfortunate because his friendship can truly transform your life. I mean that........ as dramatic as it may sound. Jill did not get paid to carry our babies. Kurt went through this whole journey with NOTHING to personally gain. He NEVER complained, he NEVER acted frustrated and he NEVER made us feel like we were in any way a burden. But instead, he fell in love with the babies growing in his wife's belly and he offered up strength to all of us when we needed it. He picked up the slack for Jill when she was sick or too tired. He was our rock. I love to watch the video montage that I posted and look at all of the pictures of Kurt. His smile in all of the pictures brings tears to my eyes as I type this. He has a heart of pure gold and is a TRUE man of God. I couldn't have hand picked a better life partner for my dear friend. I'm so honored to call him my friend.

Justin & Jillians birth story

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Strange Emotion.

Wow, it's December already! Exactly one year ago we were in the very, very final days... trigger shots and egg retrievals and embryo transfers. I cannot believe how quickly this all has gone. Why is it that the good times in your life always go so much quicker than the "not so good" times? I've been finding myself emotional these last few days and I'm not exactly sure why. When I think about the babies (who are, by the way, FOUR months old already!) I am emotional...often emotional enough for silent tears and honestly, I just can't pinpoint what it is. I haven't even shared this with my husband because I don't know what else to say except for what I just shared here. I don't think it's sadness. There is no reason for me to be sad. But tears don't start to well up in my eyes when I think of my own children. I wonder if this is just what happens when you love something so much that "isn't yours"? Truly, I don't know. Anyways, this has been making me think alot about our journey. All of the different phases that came along with it. Anticipation, excitement, wonder. I've been thinking alot about the day they were born. The whirlwind of that day, the overwhelming feelings of thankfulness for healthy babies. A healthy pregnancy, a safe delivery...topped off with healthy babies. Thank you LORD! All of that, all of the last year, actually year and a half, has been so exciting. Full of anticipation for the next phase. When we went through our psychological screening and counseling we anticipated the next step. When we were going through all of our shots...multiple daily shots, we anticipated the next step. When the eggs were retrieved we anticipated the transfer...then the "symptoms", then the pregnancy test~1st beta numbers~2nd beta numbers, one baby or two?, anticipated gender...boys? girls? both?!, milestones...made it to week 18~whew, week 23 WHEW!, week 28 YAY!, week 32 praise be to God!. Anticipated babies positions~natural delivery or a c-sec?, hair color, personalities...There wasn't ANYTHING we didn't analyze and anticipate! How do you follow that kind of excitement? Seriously. I'm not sure that I will ever accomplish anything else in my lifetime that was that FULL of excitement. And this was different because it wasn't for me, obviously I've been pregnant before and had my own babies. This WAS different. Bottom line. So, now what do I do? How can life be that full and exciting now that THAT part of the journey is over? I "tasted" something I didn't even know existed and now I'm craving it again. NO. I don't want to get pregnant again! Ha! I want to fill my life, and my families life, with the excitement and energy that I experienced. It was a gift. I need to pass it on. Pass it on to my children and my husband...although he did experience it too~to a degree.
In September I "picked up" running. Silly as it may seem, it has been pretty exciting. I set a goal to run a 5K...did it in Oct. and then again on Thanksgiving day. For me, that was a BIG accomplishment! I set a goal, worked hard and achieved it. My next goal is to run the 10K I registered for the end of April. Anticipation. Excitement. I like it! My family is starting to get the running bug too, Kurt just registered for his first 5K which will be the end of January...that's cool! So although it isn't "growing life within" (ha!), it is something. Please don't judge me, I don't want you to think that I'm selfish. I know this journey wasn't about me, I never wanted it to be and I'm not trying to make it about me now.
I am thankful for the journey that God took me on, it showed me some of what I had been missing out on!