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Monday, January 11, 2010

Strange position to be in...

As I sit with my thoughts, one of the thoughts that often crosses my mind is this...How strange to be in this position (for all of us involved). I feel like I know Denise as well as anyone can possibly know her so I feel like I can pretty accurately put myself in her "shoes". Let me say, even though this isnt anyones plan (including Denise)...to have someone else carry your baby, I know with 100% certainty that she is able to just be thankful for what she has been given and look at all the positives of the situation...the biggest being, that next summer her and Jeff get to bring their baby home. Do some aspects of this "pang" her heart with sadness...yes, of course, but she always falls back on "what is our goal"...a baby. What's strange for me is, when Im experiencing pregnancy symptoms...ones that Denise would give her left arm to experience, I think to myself..."I need to tell her, I need to tell her & Jeff". Because I feel as though by me not sharing with them~whatever it is that is happening~I am cheating them out of part of this experience. This is their baby & if he/she is making me queasy, I feel like they should know. I put myself in Denises shoes all the time and think...how strange that I feel certain things, be it nausea or stretching pains...(yes, stretching pains~what the?!?!?!) before she even knows they exist. I dont want my friend to miss out on ANY aspect of this pregnancy, I want HER to carry their baby but since that isnt the "hand they were dealt", I am trying to be as respectful of her and Jeff as possible during this and making sure there is nothing in regards to this pregnancy that they are not aware of & a part of. Denise and I have never and will never be awkward with each other...what a blessing in this situation, huh? The other day Jeff and Denise were over and Denise was analyzing my changing tummy. She had me standing and she had me laying on the floor during our "exam". She was very "into it" & obviously looked like it as my 4yr old daughter asked her, very sincerly, "Denise, are you a doctor?". Pretty funny, she sure looked like one! God Bless my friend Denise, she is handling this whole thing with such grace, she could be on a "pity pot" & thinking of all the things she doesnt get but she doesnt do that. She is a strong woman who believes God has guided this entire situation and she chooses to see & focus on only the blessings that come along, I really admire her!

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